SpazQuest
by Violet CLM
Summary: A parody of a text adventure game, starring Spaz. (Complete)
1. WAKE UP

Recognizable place.  
  
You are in a bed. Literally. You have somehow gotten yourself into the mattress.  
  
EAT MATTRESS  
  
You're not hungry yet.  
  
LEAVE MATTRESS  
  
You see no opening.  
  
LOOK FOR OPENING  
  
Your eyes are closed.  
  
OPEN EYE  
  
Which eye, the left or the right one?  
  
BOTH  
  
Your eyes are opened. There are openings all around you. In the fact, the mattress is torn to shreds.  
  
TEAR MATTRESS  
  
The mattress is already torn.  
  
LEAVE MATTRESS  
  
Which tear do you want to leave through?  
  
WHO CARES?  
  
Not me.  
  
You are standing in the middle of a large bedroom. A doorway goes through one of the walls, a torn mattress lays on the floor next to you, and there is another bed nearby. Regular breathing emits from the bed.  
  
GO DOORWAY  
  
The doorway didn't do anything worth praise.  
  
GO THROUGH DOORWAY  
  
You crash into the door that I neglected to mention.  
  
GO THROUGH DOOR  
  
You crash into the door, and this time you have no excuse.  
  
OPEN DOOR  
  
You grab the convenient doorknob and spin it around furiously until the door opens.  
  
GO THROUGH DOORWAY  
  
You are standing in front of an open door in the middle of a long hallway with lots more such doors in the walls.  
  
WHY?  
  
Because you left the bedroom.  
  
GO HALLWAY  
  
Rah, rah, rah.  
  
MOVE THROUGH HALLWAY  
  
Which direction, left or right?  
  
LEFT  
  
Right.  
  
NO, LEFT  
  
Left, right.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
TURN LEFT, MOVE THROUGH HALLWAY  
  
You are still in the hallway. Somewhere in the distance you see another hallway, parallel to this one.  
  
GO TO HALLWAY  
  
Which hallway, the one you're in or the other one?  
  
THE OTHER HALLWAY  
  
You walk along the hallway. In the distance you see the other hallway, though not so far off.  
  
GO TO OTHER HALLWAY  
  
You continue walking for some time but eventually collapse from exhaustion right before reaching the other hallway.  
  
COLLAPSE  
  
You already did.  
  
LOOK  
  
Look at what?  
  
EVERYTHING  
  
You attempt to view the entire universe in all its glory through your eyes, but faint from the effort.  
  
Everything goes black.  
  
WHY?  
  
You are no longer conscious.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
LIE STILL  
  
You lie perfectly still. Having been unconscious such a great part of your life, you are an expert at controlling yourself while unconscious. You relax your muscles, your heart stops beating, you are no longer breathing..  
  
Suddenly, you jolt upright, taking deep breaths. Don't try that again.  
  
LIE STILL  
  
No.  
  
LIE STILL  
  
That's really not a good idea.  
  
WHY?  
  
Do you want to die? I don't think so.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are laying face-first in the middle of a hallway. Many rabbits are gathered around you, talking.  
  
RABBITS?  
  
Yes.  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved.  
  
EAT RABBITS  
  
You jump up from the floor and leap at the nearest rabbit, looking as fierce as you possibly can. A rabbit from behind you raises a gun and fires, causing you to drop.  
  
You are not dead, but your life is ebbing. You should do something fast.  
  
LIE STILL  
  
Are you serious?  
  
YES  
  
You are dead.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
Game restored.  
  
GET UP FROM FLOOR  
  
You stand up wearily. The rabbits slowly start to walk away, no longer interested, until only three of them are left.  
  
LOOK AT RABBITS  
  
Which rabbits, the ones who are left or the ones who left?  
  
THE ONES WHO ARE LEFT  
  
One is blue, one is green, and the third is yellow. The green one is carrying a gun and cradling it protectively.  
  
SEARCH MEMORY  
  
Their names are Eva, Jazz, and Lori. Your sister in law, brother, and sister, respectively.  
  
JAZZ, WHAT AM I DOING HERE?  
  
"Not sure. We found you lying here, unconscious."  
  
JAZZ, WHY WAS I UNCONSCIOUS?  
  
"Well, we consulted the security cameras which are focused around here and it appears you left your room, walked over here, and fell down unconscious."  
  
JAZZ, WHO AM I?  
  
"Spaz, of course. Come on, we're late for breakfast."  
  
EAT BREAKFAST  
  
You should go to the breakfast first.  
  
GO BREAKFAST  
  
I agree. Breakfast rules.  
  
GO TO THE BREAKFAST  
  
You take off in a mad run, surprising your immediate family members. After crashing into 7 walls, 2 doorways and 1.6 ceilings, you find yourself in the breakfast room.  
  
Lots of rabbits are here.  
  
THE DINING ROOM?  
  
No, the breakfast room.  
  
EAT BREAKFAST  
  
Which breakfast do you mean, the one in front of your chair, or the breakfast the other rabbits are eating?  
  
MINE  
  
You might want to sit down first.  
  
SIT DOWN  
  
You sit down on the floor and start sucking your thumb.  
  
GET UP, SIT ON MY CHAIR  
  
You do as you instructed.  
  
SAVE  
  
Game successfully saved.  
  
EAT BREAKFAST IN FRONT OF ME  
  
Emitting a scream of hunger, you open your mouth wide, pick up the plate, and pour all the contents between your teeth.  
  
BEAT CHEST  
  
You beat your chest, until you hit yourself in just the wrong place and fall over, once more unconscious.  
  
WHO AM I?  
  
You are Spaz. Your favorite color is imaginary. Your quest is to do whatever seems right at the time.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
(Nothing)  
  
You also have an electric blue toothbrush attached to your head by means I won't even go into.  
  
LOOK AT TOOTHBRUSH  
  
You seem to forget you are unconscious.  
  
DREAM OF TOOTHBRUSH  
  
Suddenly, you are in a magical fairy land. An electric blue toothbrush dressed like a princess attaches itself to your paw and hyperventilates sweet poetry.  
  
WAKE UP FAST  
  
You come to. You are sprawled across a chair in the breakfast room. You are the sole occupant of the room, in fact.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
PICK UP CHAIR  
  
You might want to get out of it first.  
  
GET OUT OF CHAIR, PICK UP CHAIR  
  
You are now holding a large chair.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
A large chair  
  
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TOOTHBRUSH?  
  
It turned into a princess, remember?  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
PICK UP ANOTHER CHAIR  
  
Due to your great strength and flexibility, you pick up another chair and balance it on your nose.  
  
HIT CHAIR WITH CHAIR  
  
Which chair do you mean, the nose chair or the other chair?  
  
WHO CARES?  
  
Not me.  
  
You bang the chairs together happily, until they splinter to bits and go to the big lumber mill in the sky.  
  
LEAVE  
  
Leave where/what?  
  
LEAVE BREAKFAST ROOM  
  
You exit through a random door and find yourself standing on a diving board overlooking a large pool. The pool must be at least twenty tiles deep.  
  
Various swimmers are here.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
IGNORE SWIMMERS  
  
You ignore the swimmers.  
  
SAVE  
  
Game unsuccessfully saved.  
  
Just kidding.  
  
JUMP IN POOL  
  
You hurl yourself headlong off the diving board, perform three cartwheels in mid air, then hit the pool with a satisfying splash.  
  
BEAT CHEST  
  
You beat your chest, and begin to sink into the pool. You neglected to take a deep breath first, as well.  
  
SWIM  
  
There you go! You begin swimming, and have a marvelous time.  
  
GET OUT  
  
I thought you liked me!  
  
GET OUT OF POOL  
  
You climb out of the pool, dripping water all over the place.  
  
EXIT  
  
Exit the game, or the pool room?  
  
POOL ROOM  
  
You leave the pool room through a door, and find yourself in a great hall. At least, that's what the large neon sign above you claims.  
  
TAKE LARGE NEON SIGN  
  
It's too high up.  
  
DOUBLE JUMP, TAKE LARGE NEON SIGN  
  
You grab the sign, but despite your pulling, you merely hang from it instead of pulling it from the wall.  
  
HANG  
  
As in hang from the sign?  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved.  
  
As in hang from the sign?  
  
YES  
  
Ok.  
  
You continue hanging from the sign, until your mediocre weight finally causes it to come loose from the wall. You both fall rapidly towards the ground, you landing first.  
  
You are dead.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
As in hang from the sign?  
  
NEVER MIND, JUMP OFF OF SIGN  
  
You land expertly on the floor. 


	2. THINK OF AMY

LOOK AT ME  
  
I'd rather not.  
  
JUST TELL ME WHAT I LOOK LIKE, THEN  
  
You are Spaz.  
  
You are a red rabbit with no clothes on other then a pair of boots you evidently slept with.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
(Nothing)  
  
LEAVE GREAT HALL  
  
In which direction?  
  
ANY  
  
You set off towards any.  
  
GO ANY  
  
My favorite direction.  
  
GO IN THE DIRECTION OF ANY  
  
Do you mean Any, Amy, or Annie?  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved again.  
  
AMY  
  
You rush through the castle, for such it is that you are inside, your miraculous sense of direction leading you until you crash through the door of Amy's room, waking her up.  
  
Amy is here.  
  
WHY?  
  
Amy sleeps late.  
  
LOOK AT AMY  
  
Amy is a fuschia, female rabbit, laying underneath covers so only her head is visible.  
  
LOOK AT COVERS  
  
The covers have pictures of cookies on them.  
  
EAT COOKIES  
  
There are no cookies nearby.  
  
EAT COVERS  
  
You might want to wait until Amy is gone, so as not to disturb her more then you have already.  
  
MAKE AMY LEAVE  
  
Your brain finds this action rather rude, so it apologizes to Amy for waking her up, then makes you leave instead.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are standing in a hallway that seems very familiar. Each wall is lined with doors, in fact, you are standing in front of a broken one.  
  
WALK THROUGH HALLWAY  
  
In which direction?  
  
RIGHT  
  
Ok.  
  
You turn to the right and walk off peacefully, humming an unpopular little folk tune.  
  
WHY?  
  
You have nothing better to do.  
  
WAIT.  
  
You stand still, though you continue breathing.  
  
WHO IS AMY?  
  
She's the rabbit you just woke up.  
  
DO I KNOW HER?  
  
Do you have amnesia?  
  
NO.  
  
Are you sure?  
  
YES. WHO IS AMY?  
  
Let me put it this way.. if you pledged your undying love to her forever, saying no force in the universe could destroy it, the worst she'd do is accuse you of exaggerating a bit.  
  
OH.  
  
Yes.  
  
SHE COLLECTS SPEECHES?  
  
Suddenly, you fall unconscious again, a direct result of your own stupidity.  
  
SCREAM  
  
Your scream is muffled by the fact you are unconscious, so it comes out "whp".  
  
SAY WHP  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
WAKE UP  
  
You come to your senses exactly where you lost them. They don't move around much.  
  
CONTINUE WALKING THROUGH HALLWAY  
  
Suddenly, you have run out of hallway. You find yourself outside of the castle at last.  
  
SHOUT FOR JOY  
  
ARRRGGGHHH!!!! SOB  
  
SCREAM, THEN  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
Anyone told you you have weird mood shifts?  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are standing on Carrotus soil. Next to you is a giant carrot, surrounded with tiny carrots, which are surrounded by air. Behind is Carrotus Castle, and a dirt road stretches away to the east.  
  
PICK UP TINY CARROTS  
  
You grab the tiny carrots and stash them somewhere in your fur.  
  
WHY?  
  
You told you to.  
  
WALK EAST  
  
You plod off along the dirt road, determined to forget Amy's indignant look after being woken up.  
  
SHE GAVE ME ONE?  
  
You plod off along the dirt road, having apparently forgotten already.  
  
WALK UNTIL SOMETHING INTERESTING HAPPENS  
  
You run into two rabbits with a cart full of dangerous looking weapons. They take one look at you and run away.  
  
WEAR CART  
  
Draw me a picture of how you propose to do that, and I'll let you.  
  
TAKE CART  
  
You have nowhere to put it.  
  
EAT CART  
  
Yum! Tastes just like chicken.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are standing in the middle of a dirt road from west to east. There is a pile of dangerous looking weapons next to you.  
  
SAVE  
  
Save gamed.  
  
PICK UP DANGEROUS LOOKING WEAPON AT RANDOM  
  
You pick up a dangerous looking weapon. It appears to be a sheep.  
  
EAT SHEEP  
  
You open the passageway to your bottomless pit and toss in the sheep. It instantly explodes. You are, believe it or not, dead.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
I saw that coming.  
  
PICK UP SHEEP  
  
You are holding a dangerous looking weapon that looks like a sheep.  
  
PICK UP ANOTHER DANGEROUS LOOKING WEAPON AT RANDOM  
  
You pick up another dangerous looking weapon. It appears to be a gun.  
  
SHOOT SHEEP WITH GUN  
  
The sheep explodes, the gun explodes, you explode, the pile of dangerous looking weapons explodes.. do you get the picture?  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
Game restored.  
  
PICK UP SHEEP  
  
You are holding a dangerous looking weapon that looks like a sheep.  
  
PICK UP GUN  
  
You are holding two dangerous weapons, a gun and a sheep.  
  
JUGGLE  
  
You throw the dangerous weapons around in the air, showing great style and form, until you get bored.  
  
TAKE SHEEP AND GUN  
  
You store the two dangerous weapons in your fur somewhere.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
5 tiny carrots  
  
Dangerous Sheep  
  
Dangerous Gun  
  
KEEP WALKING ALONG PATH UNTIL SOMETHING INTERESTING HAPPENS  
  
What path?  
  
THE DIRT ROAD  
  
After a while, the well worn road ends in front of a building. It is shaped like no 3 dimensional object could possibly exist, and stands atop at least three ceilings.  
  
ENTER BUILDING  
  
Don't say I didn't warn you!  
  
You are inside the building. After the initial turning of your stomach from being on the inside of the geometric impossibility, you begin to look around. There are rabbits sitting at tables, laying on tables, floating above tables, slumped under tables, or walking around swatting table related rabbits. There's even a bat attached to one of the floors sitting atop the lone wall that goes all the way around the building.  
  
EAT BAT  
  
It's too high up.  
  
LOOK AT BAT  
  
It's wearing sunglasses. Beyond that, it looks pretty much like a bat.  
  
LOOK AT RABBITS  
  
They're rabbits. All colors. All levels of sobriety.  
  
TALK TO NEAREST SWATTER  
  
A swatting rabbit looks up from her work and extends a paw. "Hi, Spaz! Got away from Eva, then?"  
  
LOOK BLANK  
  
You maintain your normal expression and say nothing.  
  
SAVE  
  
Your game is written into my memory.  
  
IGNORE NEAREST SWATTER  
  
She glares at you, and walks away. Of course, you don't notice, as she is /ignore.  
  
IGNORE BUILDING  
  
That's impossible.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
Suddenly, the bat hanging from a floor stirs. He swoops up.. down.. he swoops in some direction towards you and hovers what you presume is in front of your face. "SPAZ!" the bat cries.  
  
LOOK AT ME  
  
You are Spaz.  
  
You are a red rabbit with no clothes on other then a pair of boots you evidently slept with.  
  
BAT, I AM SPAZ.  
  
The bat appears unfazed by this philosophical comment, but starts flying off in the general direction of the bar. "Come on!" he cries, "I'll buy you a drink!"  
  
DRINK DRINK  
  
He needs to buy you it first.  
  
BAT, BUY ME DRINK  
  
"Sure!"  
  
The bat exchanges words and a bit of money with someone behind the bar, and a drink appears in front of you.  
  
DRINK DRINK  
  
You down the whole thing in one gulp, then collapse to the floor unconscious. This is really starting to get old. All is nothingness.  
  
LOOK AT ME  
  
There is no you.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
There is no inventory.  
  
LOOK AT PLOT  
  
There is no plot.  
  
WAKE UP FAST  
  
It's not safe yet.  
  
WAKE ME UP WHEN IT'S SAFE  
  
Ok.  
  
A few hours later, the building seems more empty, causing even more of the confusing architecture to be visible. Only a few rabbits are hanging around, and they are mostly unconscious, like you were until recently. The bat is nowhere to be seen.  
  
LEAVE BUILDING  
  
After several tries, you find the door and stagger out of it.  
  
LOOK AT DRINK  
  
You drank it already.  
  
WHAT WAS IT?  
  
You'd be better off not knowing.  
  
COME ON.  
  
It was pure sulfuric acid.  
  
FAINT  
  
Haven't you spent enough time unconscious lately?  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
One note  
  
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER STUFF?  
  
You apparently got mugged while sleeping.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
READ NOTE  
  
The note reads "Spaz, when you wake up, don't go back to sleep. The stuff you drank would be dangerous in conjunction with repeated unconsciousness."  
  
DROOL ON NOTE  
  
The note is no longer legible.  
  
THINK  
  
You seem to have lost that ability some time ago, like about the time you were born.  
  
Still, some people do an awful lot of things without thinking, so you're fine.  
  
THINK OF AMY  
  
That sounds like something I should be telling you next time you do something foolish.  
  
GO BACK IN BUILDING  
  
Think of Amy.  
  
THINK OF AMY  
  
A fuschia face fills your mind, and you stand there enraptured until you notice you are hungry again.  
  
EAT MIND  
  
Oh, please. If you could do that, you'd have done it long ago.  
  
EAT DROOL  
  
Delicious AND nutritious!  
  
GO BACK TO CASTLE  
  
Suddenly, you are in the castle. You are unsure how this happened, except that you have a bump on your head and it seems later in the day then it was earlier in the day.  
  
You are still hungry.  
  
PICK UP THREE COURSE MEAL  
  
There is none. You appear to be hallucinating.  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved.  
  
RUN AWAY  
  
From what?  
  
YOU  
  
Quit?  
  
NO  
  
Ok then. 


	3. MEET THE STAFF

RUN AWAY FROM HALLUCINATIONS  
  
You are surrounded by them.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are standing in a very familiar hallway. Both walls are lined with doors, and one of the nearby doors is broken, as if someone madly ran through it.  
  
GET DEJA VU  
  
You are standing in a very familiar hallway. Both walls are lined with doors, and one of the nearby doors is broken, as if someone madly ran through it.  
  
ENTER DOOR  
  
Which door do you mean? There are lots.  
  
THE BROKEN ONE  
  
Your memories evidently tell you something, so you peer through the broken door before entering it. There is an empty bed sitting in the room, and some cookie pattern covers are laying on it.  
  
EAT COVERS  
  
Strangely, the covers do not taste like cookies, but merely like normal covers.  
  
PICK UP BED  
  
You strain yourself to the utmost before lifting up the empty bed. You then stand there, knowing that if you hold it up much longer it will squash you.  
  
SAVE  
  
Game resaved.  
  
HOLD IT UP MUCH LONGER  
  
You are squashed.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
I admire your foresight.  
  
THROW BED OUT DOOR  
  
You give a wild cry and propel the still empty bed through the door, breaking it further.  
  
TAKE DOOR  
  
You pick up a few pieces of the door that are laying around and stash them in your fur.  
  
LEAVE THROUGH DOOR  
  
You are standing in a very familiar hallway. The walls are lined with doors. Behind you is a broken door, and in front lies an empty bed, looking very out of place.  
  
GET IN BED  
  
You are in the bed.  
  
GO TO SLEEP  
  
Ignoring the warning of the note you found in your fur, you drift off into slumber.  
  
KEEP SLEEPING  
  
You need no further urging.  
  
WAKE UP  
  
You try, but it doesn't seem to work.  
  
WAIT UNTIL I WAKE UP  
  
Ok.  
  
You blearily open your eyes. You are lying in a bed in the royal hospital, and are attached to lots of tubes and wires and stuff like that.  
  
WAKE UP  
  
You're not dreaming.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
Doctor Work hears your scream and rushes over to the bed, holding a needle the size of a baby elephant.. or it may be a trick of perspective.  
  
Work is here.  
  
WORK, WHY AM I HERE?  
  
"You were found half dead in the hallway of the many doors."  
  
WORK, WHO AM I?  
  
"You're Spaz, just like you were before."  
  
WORK, AM I OK YET?  
  
"You should rest here at least two more days before I could even think of letting you go."  
  
WORK, THAT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG.  
  
"Just go back to sleep. Time passes faster that way."  
  
SCREAM  
  
"DEATH TO WORK!" you cry madly, leap from the bed, and position yourself in fighting stance.  
  
SAVE  
  
Game memorized.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
Illegible note  
  
Pieces of broken door  
  
A LOT of wires and stuff  
  
ATTACK WORK WITH ILLEGIBLE NOTE  
  
You extricate the note from your fur and throw it at Work. It flies for a brief distance then stops flying. It is only paper, after all. Work looks skeptical.  
  
ATTACK WORK WITH PIECES OF BROKEN DOOR AND WIRES  
  
Cleverly, you rig a slingshot with some door shards and wires, and use it to fire a sharp piece of door at Work. This takes him totally by surprise, and the piece hits him in the head.  
  
JUMP ON WORK  
  
You fling yourself into the air, and land sideways on Work, who topples over.  
  
PICK UP WORK  
  
You might want to get off of him first.  
  
GET OFF OF WORK  
  
You climb off of Work, but before you can do anything else he groggily shoots you with a stun ray. You feel yourself slipping off into unconsciousness.  
  
HOLD ON TO SOMETHING  
  
You grab onto your awareness, but it's slippery, and you fall down into blackness.  
  
CONTINUE FALLING  
  
You hit bottom.  
  
WALK AROUND  
  
You can't walk around, you're unconscious.  
  
DREAM OF WALKING AROUND  
  
Suddenly, you are in a vast garden, walking around with an electric blue toothbrush dressed as a princess, who is telling you the story of its life.  
  
WAKE UP FAST  
  
You come to with a jolt. Several days have passed, and you are now lying in a couch of a physchiatrist, who is looking at you over his notepad.  
  
MAN, WHERE AM I?  
  
"You're in the physchiatricist room, which belongs to me. I'm going to find out what's wrong with you."  
  
MAN, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?  
  
"I need to figure it out first. Do you remember your name?"  
  
LOOK AT ME  
  
You are Spaz.  
  
You are a red rabbit with no clothes on other then a pair of boots you evidently slept with.  
  
MAN, I AM SPAZ.  
  
"Good! Do you know why you keep falling unconscious lately?"  
  
MAN, THE NON-CAPSLOCK TEXT MAKES ME DO IT.  
  
He looks at you oddly, then writes something down. "Have you been having dreams while unconscious?"  
  
MAN, I DREAM OF AN ELECTRIC BLUE TOOTHBRUSH DRESSED AS A PRINCESS.  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
LEAVE  
  
Leave what?  
  
LEAVE PHYSCHIATRICIST ROOM  
  
"I have had enough of this!" you cry, get out of the couch, and rush out the door, which fortunately is open.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are standing in the great hall, or at least, so the large neon sign above you tells you. Next to you is a glass case full of busts of various famous individuals, with a sign on it.  
  
TAKE SIGN  
  
You grab the sign, which is just a bit of paper attached to the case with tape, and stick it to your fur.  
  
LOOK AT ME  
  
You are Spaz.  
  
You are a red rabbit with no clothes on other then a pair of boots you evidently slept with. There is a sign attached to your fur reading "A Head Case", which describes you well.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
Pieces of broken door  
  
A few wires  
  
Two jelly beans  
  
A can of soda  
  
Sign reading "A Head Case"  
  
Desire to find Amy  
  
WHERE DID ALL THAT COME FROM?  
  
If you mean the jelly beans and the soda, I believe the doctor was experimenting how much could fit in your fur.  
  
THINK OF AMY  
  
You stand mostly still, dreaming of the fuschia rabbit in question, until you lose your balance and fall over.  
  
GET UP, FIND AMY  
  
Once more letting your sense of direction guide you, you race madly through the castle until you come to an all too familiar hallway. Doors line the walls, one of which seems to have been newly installed.  
  
EAT JELLY BEANS  
  
You ravenously devour the helpless candy.  
  
OPEN DOOR  
  
Which door?  
  
THE NEW ONE  
  
Softly, you steal up to the newly installed door, turn the doorknob, and discover the door is locked.  
  
UNLOCK DOOR  
  
You don't have the key.  
  
GET KEY  
  
Where?  
  
PICK UP KEY  
  
It's not laying around nearby, you know.  
  
THROW CAN OF SODA AT DOOR  
  
Crash. Splat.  
  
FIND KEY  
  
You dash off at 20 tiles a second, letting your sense of direction guide you again. When you stop, you are lying in the middle of a huge pile of keys. The only exit is a door locked from the outside, so you are unclear how you got here.  
  
PICK UP KEY  
  
Be more specific.  
  
PICK UP KEY TO NEWLY INSTALLED DOOR  
  
You begin rummaging through the pile, but although all the keys have name tags on them, none read "Newly Installed Door".  
  
PICK UP KEY TO AMY  
  
Amy's what, her heart or her door?  
  
DOOR  
  
Just as well, they don't stock the other kind here..  
  
You pick up the key with the nametag reading "Amy", and stash it conspicuously in your fur.  
  
PICK UP ALL KEYS  
  
You don't have enough fur. However, you pick up the keys for "End of Game" and "Butterfly Chamber" before giving up, and stash them in your fur somewhere.  
  
OPEN DOOR  
  
Fortunately, the door opens from the inside, so you open the door.  
  
LEAVE THROUGH DOOR  
  
You walk out of the door, causing the posted guard to be rather confused.  
  
A guard is here.  
  
GUARD, WHO ARE YOU?  
  
"Why, Itsa Me, Mario!"  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
Pieces of broken door  
  
A few wires  
  
Sign reading "A Head Case"  
  
Key to Amy's Door  
  
Key to End of Game  
  
Key to Butterfly Chamber  
  
Desire to find Amy  
  
SAVE  
  
You know what happened.  
  
ATTACK MARIO WITH WIRES  
  
He jumps over your throws, and jumps atop your head, where he begins bouncing. After three bounces, you explode.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
.  
  
ATTACK MARIO WITH PIECES OF BROKEN DOOR  
  
He deftly grabs each of the pieces, and jumps atop your head, where he begins bouncing. After three bounces, you explode.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
;  
  
ATTACK MARIO WITH SIGN  
  
Unable to think of anything else to do with it, you attach the sign to Mario, and run off, chuckling madly.  
  
FIND AMY  
  
Your amazing guidance system takes over, and before long you are back in THE hallway.  
  
HALLWAY, WHY AM I HERE SO MUCH?  
  
The hallway does not respond.  
  
IGNORE HALLWAY  
  
You are suddenly standing in nothing. You believe there is probably floor beneath you, but ignore it.  
  
PAY ATTENTION TO HALLWAY  
  
You are back in the hallway. Do I have to describe it again?  
  
NO  
  
Thank you.  
  
FIND NEWLY INSTALLED DOOR  
  
You walk up to it. There is a smashed soda can in front of it, but it is still locked.  
  
USE KEY TO AMY'S DOOR ON NEWLY INSTALLED DOOR  
  
It quietly opens without a hitch, and you find yourself staring at the bed you remember sleeping on a few days ago. A fuschia form is asleep on it, underneath a new set of covers.  
  
Amy is here.  
  
WHY?  
  
She's still a late sleeper?  
  
PICK UP AMY  
  
That sounds like a disquieting way to wake up..  
  
THINK OF AMY  
  
Your mind is so used to this by now that without much trouble, the fuschia face fills your mind. For some reason, it grows larger, until all you see is fuschia. Evidently, your visualizing skills are improving.  
  
Or maybe it's just that she woke up, and seeing you there, pounced on you.  
  
FIND OUT WHICH  
  
It's the latter. 


	4. EAT BANQUET

AMY, DID YOU POUNCE ON ME?  
  
"Sure!"  
  
AMY, WHY ARE YOU FUSCHIA?  
  
"Something to do with color genes.. why?"  
  
AMY, I AM SPAZ.  
  
She agrees, but shows no signs of letting you up, despite this philosophical comment.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
Amy jerks backwards in surprise, letting you get up if you choose to do so.  
  
SAVE  
  
Success.  
  
CHOOSE NOT TO DO SO  
  
You continue laying there, having screamed. Amy looks at you and asks "What's wrong, Spaz?"  
  
AMY, I HAVE A HEAD.  
  
You probably meant to say headache, but head is more truthful. Amy, however, agrees with the first part of what I just said. "Want some aspirin?"  
  
AMY, I AM ALLERGIC TO ASPIRIN.  
  
She looks at you, puzzled. "Ok.... want some toe jam?"  
  
UGH  
  
I agree, but you might want to respond.  
  
DANCE WITH AMY  
  
Effectively ignoring her previous question, you leap up, grab Amy, and start whirling around in a not so graceful pirouette. Amy looks at you strangely. "Are you feeling all right, Spaz?"  
  
YES  
  
Yes what?  
  
AMY, YES  
  
"Well.. you just seem to take a while to do things, and when you do something, it's rather random."  
  
AMY, I AM SPAZ.  
  
This time, more of a response is gained, as Amy nods her head, understandingly.  
  
AMY, I AM SPAZ.  
  
Just because it worked before doesn't mean you should say it right away again.  
  
STOP DANCING, PICK UP AMY  
  
You whirl to a halt, pick up Amy, and set her on your shoulder. She looks at you, puzzled again, but resolves to enjoy the ride.  
  
RUN AROUND RANDOMLY  
  
When you come to your senses, you are standing in a strange area you don't recall seeing before. Amy is still atop your shoulder, looking ruffled.  
  
AMY, I AM LOST.  
  
"Well, that makes two of us.. you mean you just ran through all those passages and rooms without even knowing where you were going?"  
  
AMY, I AM SPAZ.  
  
She agrees.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are standing in front of a large, locked door with a sign above it reading "Butterfly Chamber". On one side of you is a blank wall, and you can't see too well on the other side due to Amy being on your shoulder and blocking your view.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
Pieces of broken door  
  
A few wires  
  
Key to End of Game  
  
Key to Butterfly Chamber  
  
Amy  
  
USE KEY TO BUTTERFLY CHAMBER ON DOOR  
  
You walk over to the large door and open it with the corresponding key.  
  
WALK THROUGH DOOR  
  
Task completed.  
  
AMY, I AM NOT LOST. I AM IN BUTTERFLY CHAMBER.  
  
"As am I, due to still being on your shoulder. Where'd you get that key?"  
  
AMY, I GOT LOST.  
  
She nods understandingly.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are in the Butterfly Chamber. All around you, butterflies fly around, or merely perch on plants. It is very hot.  
  
TURN INTO BUTTERFLY  
  
Even JJMorph can't do that.  
  
EAT BUTTERFLIES  
  
You'd just get in trouble.  
  
LAY DOWN  
  
With Amy on your shoulder?  
  
PUT DOWN AMY  
  
You gently lift Amy off of your shoulder using only one arm.  
  
LAY DOWN  
  
You slump to the ground, and lean your head against the wall. The heat is getting to you.  
  
Amy wipes her brow and follows suit, content to lay around and watch the butterflies.  
  
WATCH BUTTERFLIES  
  
With the alertness of a geiger counter reader, you watch the butterflies fly around, or merely perch on plants.  
  
You feel like you're melting, though of course that is just a trick of the heat.  
  
SAVE  
  
Your game has been saved again.  
  
MELT  
  
You turn into a hot puddle. Amy looks over at you and screams. You could care less, of course... you're dead now.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
You are back where you were when you last saved.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
Butterflyness. You are lying next to the door you came in by, which the butterflies seem unable to exit through. Amy is lying next to you, and the chamber extends into the distance in the three directions the wall is not in.  
  
WALK INTO DISTANCE  
  
You attempt to walk while lying down, but fail.  
  
WHY?  
  
You're not That flexible..  
  
BE FLEXIBLE  
  
You perform a series of yoga exercises, while Amy watches you and the butterflies.  
  
Suddenly, the door remains open, and Jazz comes in. You take a while to notice him, seeing as you are doing yoga exercises.  
  
JAZZ, WHY ARE YOU HERE?  
  
"I came looking for you two! Don't you remember what today is?"  
  
JAZZ, IS IT FRIDAY?  
  
".." Jazz pauses, and counts on his ears efficiently. "..yes. But that's not what I meant."  
  
JAZZ, WHAT DID YOU MEAN?  
  
"It's the anniversary of the last time we defeated Devan! We're having a banquet in the banquet room once you are found!"  
  
JAZZ, I AM FOUND.  
  
"Well, yes, but you have to go there as well."  
  
JAZZ, I AM SPAZ.  
  
He looks at you oddly, as if stunned by this knowledge.  
  
GO THERE.  
  
There where?  
  
GO TO THE BANQUET ROOM  
  
You zoom off at high speeds, letting your subconscious tell you where to turn and where to jump over spikes, until you arrive in the banquet room.  
  
Eva is here.  
  
Lori is here.  
  
Work is here.  
  
Mario is here.  
  
Other inhabitants are here.  
  
LOOK AT MARIO  
  
Mario is a fat italian plumber dressed in red, with a sign reading "A Head Case" attached to him.  
  
WEAR MARIO  
  
You fail.  
  
EVA, I AM SPAZ.  
  
She looks up, and slaps you. "There you are! You've kept everyone waiting. Where's Jazz?"  
  
EVA, I LEFT HIM IN THE BUTTERFLY CHAMBER WITH AMY.  
  
"Well, he'll be along. Sit down, and stay put."  
  
SIT DOWN, AND STAY PUT.  
  
You sit down on the floor and start sucking your thumb again.  
  
GET UP, SIT IN CHAIR  
  
Which chair?  
  
MY CHAIR  
  
You get up, and sit in your chair contentedly. A bit later, Jazz and Amy arrive. They don't have your magical sense of direction, and were forced to find a map.  
  
EAT BANQUET  
  
It hasn't been served yet.  
  
LORI, SERVE BANQUET  
  
Lori glares at you. "Who do you think I am, a servant?"  
  
LORI, I AM SPAZ.  
  
This phrase hasn't been getting as much success as of late. Lori thinks about it for a second, then tells you to go and serve the banquet.  
  
GET OUT OF CHAIR, FIND BANQUET  
  
You arrive in the kitchens shortly afterwards.  
  
Head Cook Dingo is here.  
  
HEAD COOK DINGO, WHERE IS BANQUET?  
  
"All around you, Spaz!"  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are in the kitchens. Head Cook Dingo is stirring a pot of what looks suspiciously like the drink the bat bought you, you are standing in front of an open door. On the other side of the kitchen is another door with a sign above it reading "End of Game".  
  
SHOUT WITH JOY  
  
ARRRRRGGHH!!!! SOB  
  
RUN TO DOOR  
  
You run over to the door.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
Pieces of broken door  
  
A few wires  
  
WHERE'S MY KEY TO END OF GAME?!  
  
You appear to have dropped it somewhere.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
WHY DIDN'T I DROP THE OTHER STUFF?  
  
You didn't tell you to.  
  
DROP OTHER STUFF  
  
What other stuff?  
  
DROP PIECES OF BROKEN DOOR AND WIRES  
  
You drop them dejectedly on the floor.  
  
You have suddenly noticed (maybe it's the smells) that you are very hungry.  
  
SEARCH ROOM  
  
After searching the room, you find a large banquet hidden away in one of the corners.  
  
TAKE BANQUET  
  
You store the large banquet in your fur somewhere.  
  
LEAVE KITCHEN, SERVE BANQUET  
  
Amazingly, you do this successfully, and without a hitch as well.  
  
EAT BANQUET  
  
The whole thing, or just yours?  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved.  
  
THE WHOLE THING  
  
You jump onto the table, and start grabbing people's food and wolfing it down before they have a chance to react. Soon, though, you overgorge yourself, and your stomach explodes.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
Game restarted. I mean, restored.  
  
JUST MINE  
  
You jump onto the table, lay down in front of your portion of the banquet and begin stuffing yourself.  
  
CONTINUE STUFFING MYSELF  
  
You do so.  
  
CONTINUE CONTINUING STUFFING MYSELF  
  
You do so. Soon, your stomach has the feeling you should stop eating.  
  
STOP EATING  
  
Thank your stomach for that bit of information.  
  
THANK YOU, STOMACH  
  
The stomach burps.  
  
You are now feeling a little drowsy.  
  
GO TO SLEEP  
  
Following the path of least resistance, you lay your head down in a bowl of soup and drift away into slumberland.  
  
NEMO, I AM SPAZ.  
  
There is no Nemo here.  
  
DREAM OF NEMO  
  
Suddenly, you are standing in slumberland. Nearby is Nemo, dressed as an electric blue toothbrush.  
  
SCREAM  
  
Oh! Oh! I'm ever so aggravated.  
  
Nemo looks at you and vanishes. He apparently has woken up.  
  
WOKE UP  
  
Your grammar is awful.  
  
Nevertheless, you come to, still with your head in the (thankfully not hot) soup bowl. You have not slept as long as you could have, as the other rabbits are still eating the banquet.  
  
EAT MORE BANQUET  
  
Yours?  
  
YES  
  
As if nothing had happened, you return to digging into the banquet, ignoring looks the other rabbits are giving you.  
  
CONTINUE DIGGING INTO THE BANQUET  
  
You have no shovel.  
  
EAT MORE BANQUET  
  
You do so. Your stomach starts to complain again.  
  
STOP EATING, LEAVE TABLE  
  
You leap off the table.  
  
BOW  
  
To who?  
  
ANYONE WATCHING  
  
You bow towards the person on the other side of the monitor.  
  
LEAVE BANQUET ROOM, FIND HALLWAY  
  
By this time, you have imprinted the location of said hallway quite firmly in your mind, and are soon there.  
  
FIND DOOR I STARTED BY  
  
At the start of the game?  
  
YES  
  
You walk up to a door.  
  
USE WIRES ON DOOR  
  
You dropped the wires in the kitchen, remember?  
  
USE BANQUET ON DOOR  
  
You served the banquet.  
  
TAKE DOOR  
  
Despite your best efforts, it is too well attached to the hinges.  
  
OPEN DOOR  
  
The door smoothly opens, being unlocked.  
  
BE SUSPICIOUS  
  
Been. 


	5. DO CROSSOVER

GO INTO ROOM ON OTHER SIDE  
  
Gone.  
  
You are standing in the middle of a large bedroom. A doorway goes through one of the walls, and a still torn mattress lays on the floor next to you. An empty bed can also be found in an examination of the room, as well as a bookcase which seems newly installed.  
  
PICK UP NEWLY INSTALLED BOOKCASE  
  
You fail.  
  
LOOK AT NEWLY INSTALLED BOOKCASE  
  
The top shelf consists mainly of books, the middle shelf contains a bunch of random objects, the bottom shelf is empty, and there are no shelves below the bottom shelf, strangely enough.  
  
LOOK AT BOOKS  
  
They are called "The Cold Return", "101 ways to jump high for those who can't", "Study in Maroon", "Toejam Tales" and "The Wizard of Oz".  
  
READ WIZARD OF OZ  
  
Wrong story. Forget I even mentioned that one.  
  
READ TOEJAM TALES  
  
That sounds like something Spaz would do.  
  
NON-CAPSLOCK TEXT, I AM SPAZ.  
  
Call me Parser. Anyway, you made your point.  
  
You settle down on top of the torn mattress, and read "Toejam Tales". It is a series of stories about how the ancient sprits of Toejam save the lives of many innocents and finally have the showdown with the forces of aspirin.  
  
PUT BACK TOEJAM TALES  
  
You put back Toejam tales, which flutters its pages at you in annoyance.  
  
EAT TOEJAM  
  
There is none. Besides, you're still full from the banquet.  
  
STUDY IN MAROON  
  
You have nothing to study, let alone a method of coloring yourself.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
LOOK AT RANDOM OBJECTS  
  
They seem to be five tiny carrots, a dangerous sheep, a dangerous gun, and a key with the nametag "End of Game".  
  
THANK FROGS  
  
The frogs smile happily.  
  
EAT FROGS  
  
There are none.  
  
TAKE ALL  
  
Books: Taken  
  
Carrots: Taken  
  
Sheep: Taken  
  
Gun: Taken  
  
Key: Taken  
  
No contents of bottom shelf: Taken  
  
PUT BACK BOOKS  
  
You put the books back on the top shelf, which is where they came from.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following objects:  
  
5 Tiny carrots  
  
Dangerous Sheep  
  
Dangerous Gun  
  
Key to End of Game  
  
No contents  
  
No hunger  
  
GIVE NO CONTENTS TO FROGS  
  
There are no frogs, there is only Zuu-..Spaz.  
  
GIVE NO CONTENTS TO ZUU-..SPAZ  
  
You already had them.  
  
LEAVE ROOM, FIND KITCHENS  
  
You are now in the kitchens. Head Cook Dingo has left, the pot of stuff has left.. in fact, pretty much everything left, not counting the cupboards and stuff.  
  
USE KEY TO END OF GAME ON DOOR  
  
The door left, too. You should try to find it again.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
WHO AM I?  
  
You are Spaz. Your favorite color is Imaginary. Your quest is to find the End of the Game.  
  
I THOUGHT AS MUCH.  
  
Why?  
  
WHY?  
  
Because you thought as much.  
  
FIND END OF GAME  
  
If it was that easy, it wouldn't be your quest.  
  
CHANGE UNIVERSES  
  
Are you sure?  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved.  
  
YES  
  
Yes, what?  
  
YES, I AM SURE  
  
Are you REALLY sure?  
  
YES, I AM REALLY SURE  
  
Don't say I didn't ask you!  
  
There is a pop, a whoosh of lack of air, and you find yourself standing somewhere in another universe.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are standing in the middle of a green landscape, but it is not Carrotus, Diamondus, or any world you know. Everything seems even more cartoony then usual, somehow, and very little moves.  
  
LOOK AT ME  
  
You are Spaz.. I think. You are a cartoon rabbit in red, with little boots on all four paws.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
5 Tiny carrots  
  
Dangerous Sheep  
  
Dangerous Gun  
  
Key to End of Game  
  
No contents  
  
No hunger  
  
DROP NO CONTENTS  
  
Ok, you don't drop any contents.  
  
SCREAM  
  
You make a small rabbit noise.  
  
WALK EAST  
  
You hop along east. The countryside changes as you move along.  
  
HOP EAST UNTIL SOMETHING INTERESTING HAPPENS  
  
You're really stingy with your time.  
  
Suddenly, you come to a large pool. There is a sign next to it, and you notice you can still read in this universe.  
  
READ SIGN  
  
It reads "Spring of drowned human"  
  
LOOK AT SPRING OF DROWNED HUMAN  
  
It looks like a spring. A very safe one, in fact.  
  
SWIM  
  
Forgetting that the type of rabbit you seem to be now can not swim, you leap into the pool, boots and all. Suddenly, your body feels different.  
  
IGNORE BODY, SWIM  
  
You swim around, having a wonderful time.  
  
Something you are ignoring feels different.  
  
SWIM UNTIL BORED  
  
I'm bored, though I don't know about you.  
  
GET OUT OF SPRING  
  
You climb out of the spring, and it is now you notice why your body felt different. You have turned into a cartoon human!  
  
SCREAM  
  
AGGGHH!!!!!  
  
LOOK AT ME  
  
You are a naked cartoon human wearing a boot on each hand and foot. You also have a collection of odd items peacefully laying around in your very red hair.  
  
SCREAM  
  
AGGGHH!!!!!  
  
RUN AWAY FROM SPRING  
  
You run away from the spring, not caring which direction you go, as long as it takes you away from that scary place.  
  
RUN UNTIL SOMETHING ELSE INTERESTING HAPPENS  
  
You run and run and run. Eventually, you come to what appears to be more of a city, but this is not interesting enough, so you do not stop running. You pass a black pig with a yellow bandana on. You only stop, in fact, when you run into a cartoon female human with eyes even bigger then yours when you were a normal rabbit.  
  
APOLOGIZE  
  
You say you're sorry, but she obviously does not understand. She then notices your lack of clothing, shouts a word in some other language, and whacks you with a mallet that appeared out of nowhere. You go flying into orbit.  
  
You are running out of air.  
  
CHANGE BACK TO OLD UNIVERSE  
  
Are you sure?  
  
YES. HURRY UP.  
  
Are you really sure?  
  
YES!  
  
Ok.  
  
Suddenly, you find yourself back in the room you awoke in at the start of this whole thing.  
  
LOOK AT ME  
  
You are Spaz.  
  
You are a red rabbit with no clothes on other then a pair of boots you evidently slept with.  
  
THANK FROGS AGAIN  
  
They smile widely.  
  
GIVE FROGS NO HUNGER  
  
There still aren't any frogs.  
  
EAT NO HUNGER  
  
You aren't hungry.  
  
GO TO BANQUET ROOM  
  
You do that. When you consider your earlier inability to even walk a hallway, you have been greatly improving your endurance.  
  
Lori is here.  
  
Eva is here.  
  
Jazz is here.  
  
Work is here.  
  
Mario is here.  
  
Amy is here.  
  
Various other rabbits who are listening to Jazz's speech are here.  
  
LISTEN TO JAZZ'S SPEECH  
  
You join the rabbits and listen intently while he drones on and on.  
  
THROW ROTTEN TOMATO AT JAZZ  
  
You see no rotten tomato.  
  
JAZZ, BOO  
  
You boo him, but the crowd hushes you and he continues talking.  
  
CROWD, WHERE IS END OF GAME?  
  
You get hushed again.  
  
FIND LORI  
  
After pushing a lot of other rabbits, much to their annoyance, you come upon Lori, who looks rather bored.  
  
LORI, WHERE IS END OF GAME?  
  
She looks at you, blinks, and says "At a small door somewhere in the third city level."  
  
THANK LORI  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
FIND SMALL DOOR SOMEWHERE IN THE THIRD CITY LEVEL  
  
That would be cheating.  
  
JJNXT  
  
That would Really be cheating.  
  
Jazz's speech winds to a close, and Eva calls for you to give your speech as Jazz steps down from the platform he was standing on.  
  
STAND ON PLATFORM  
  
You stride majestically through the parting crowd and stand on the platform.  
  
GIVE SPEECH  
  
You're not getting through this that easily.  
  
GET THROUGH IT EASILY  
  
Just give them a speech, ok?  
  
CROWD, I AM SPAZ.  
  
Some of them cheer.  
  
CROWD, CHEER FOR ME.  
  
To get it over with, they cheer loudly.  
  
TAKE CHEERS  
  
You deftly grab their cheers and store them somewhere in your fur.  
  
CLEAR THROAT  
  
You turn your throat transparent.  
  
SAVE  
  
Good thinking. Saved.  
  
CROWD, I AM JAZZ'S BROTHER AND I LET HIM OUT OF JAIL WHEN THE QUEEN THREW HIM IN THERE AND I GOT NO CREDIT FOR IT WHATSOEVER.  
  
Jazz turns the same color as you.  
  
CROWD, JAZZ WAS RUNNING AROUND AND HE MET A GIANT TURTLE, AND I SAVED HIM FROM IT, AND I GOT NO CREDIT FOR IT WHATSOEVER.  
  
Jazz whistles. The crowd applauds.  
  
CROWD, DEVAN'S TIME MACHINE BLEW UP AND EVA'S GEM WENT FLYING, AND I CAUGHT IT SO IT DIDN'T GET SCRATCHED. AND I GOT NO CREDIT FOR IT WHATSOEVER.  
  
Jazz can take no more of this. He marches back to the platform and grabs the mike before you continue.  
  
TAKE BACK MIKE  
  
There is no Back Mike here.  
  
TAKE MIKE FROM JAZZ  
  
You grab it back, and so ensues a tug of war, each of you giving cheesy fake smiles to the crowd most of the time.  
  
EAT MIKE  
  
There you go! You quickly swallow the mike and burp.  
  
GIVE NO HUNGER TO JAZZ  
  
Ok, you don't make Jazz hungry.  
  
Jazz stares at you.  
  
LEAVE BANQUET ROOM  
  
You serenely leave the banquet room, having delivered your message to the adoring masses. Behind you, Lori takes the platform, and tries to calm everyone down.  
  
LAUGH  
  
You chuckle insanely. 


	6. BABYSIT GRUES

GO TO THE HALLWAY  
  
You know, and I know, that I should say something funny that tells you you got there, but I don't feel like it.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
5 Tiny carrots  
  
Dangerous Sheep  
  
Dangerous Gun  
  
Key to End of Game  
  
No contents  
  
No hunger  
  
Knowledge of where End of Game is  
  
USE KNOWLEDGE  
  
It's at the small door somewhere in the third city level.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
LEAVE CASTLE THROUGH HALLWAY  
  
You are now back outside. As you may recall, there is a dirt road leading east, a castle behind you, and a giant carrot sitting around inconspicuously.  
  
WHY?  
  
It's immobile.  
  
WALK ALONG DIRT ROAD UNTIL SOMETHING INTERESTING HAPPENS  
  
There's the building again.  
  
IGNORE BUILDING  
  
I maintain this is impossible.  
  
WALK ALONG DIRT ROAD UNTIL SOMETHING ELSE INTERESTING HAPPENS  
  
The dirt road stops in front of the building.  
  
LOOK AT BUILDING  
  
Are you mad?  
  
PARSER, I AM SPAZ.  
  
Ok.  
  
You stare at the building intently, and find that part of the wall, which probably isn't even in the same dimension as you, works as a magic picture. You cross your eyes slightly, and begin to see 3D images of the building flying through space. You jump back, startled, and smash into someone.  
  
APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY  
  
You help the someone up, saying you're sorry. The duck glares at you.  
  
LOOK AT DUCK  
  
The whiskered duck is standing up. He is wearing a tophat, coat, glasses and spats, and is carrying a cane.  
  
TAKE CANE  
  
You reach for the cane but he whacks your paw with it and runs off, muttering something about how you can't trust anyone under 50.  
  
BECOME OVER 50  
  
If you keep dilly-dallying like this, you will.  
  
KEEP DILLY-DALLYING  
  
No. It bores me.  
  
GO IN BUILDING  
  
Think of Amy.  
  
DIDN'T WE DO THIS BEFORE?  
  
You're right.  
  
WELL?  
  
Well what?  
  
GO IN BUILDING  
  
Think of Amy.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
WALK EAST  
  
You walk east. With every step you take, you move further, and you find this reassuring.  
  
WALK EAST  
  
You walk east. With every step you take, you move further, and you find this reassuring.  
  
WALK EAST UNTIL SOMETHING INTERESTING HAPPENS  
  
You're so hard to please.  
  
You walk east. Suddenly, with every step you take, you move backwards, and you find this disillusioning.  
  
HEY!  
  
You wanted something interesting.  
  
WALK BACKWARDS  
  
Phooey.  
  
You walk backwards east. With every step you take, you move further, and you find this reassuring.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are standing on top of Carrotus. There, for some reason, are lots of carrots nearby. There is also a coatrack nearby, complete with small house.  
  
LOOK AT COATRACK  
  
It has a coat on it. The coat has a tag saying "105% real rabbit fur"  
  
BE OFFENSIVE  
  
You take the coat and put it on.  
  
LOOK AT HOUSE  
  
The house looks back.  
  
BLINK  
  
The house blinks back. Or at least, you think it did. Hard to tell with your eyes closed. So you open them again.  
  
GO TO FRONT DOOR  
  
You leisurely walk up to the door and bid it open.  
  
WAIT  
  
Nothing happens.  
  
WAIT MORE  
  
There isn't a turn-based thing in front of the front door, just to let you know.  
  
OPEN DOOR  
  
You grasp the doorknob firmly, and are about to spin it around when you remember it would be more polite to knock.  
  
BE POLITE  
  
You knock on the door.  
  
BE OFFENSIVE  
  
You admire the coat.  
  
The door opens, and you stare at a Grue.  
  
SAVE  
  
Your game has been saved.  
  
EAT GRUE  
  
You leap on the grue, which eats you.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
Your game has been restored.  
  
LOOK AT GRUE  
  
Oh, no you don't. I'm not telling you what they look like.  
  
GRUE, I AM SPAZ.  
  
The grue makes a slimy noise that sounds like "Are you the baby-sitter?"  
  
UGH.  
  
Yes, well..  
  
GRUE, I AM NOT THE BABY-SITTER.  
  
You have been eaten by a Grue.  
  
Quit/restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
Your game has been restored.  
  
GRUE, I AM THE BABY-SITTER.  
  
The grue beams at you. It and the resident Grue Wife hurry out the door, pressing a note into your paw.  
  
READ NOTE  
  
It tells you what number to call in case of an emergency.  
  
TAKE NOTE  
  
You store the note in your fur.  
  
GO IN HOUSE  
  
You walk into the house.  
  
You are in the living room. Two baby Grues are crawling around on the floor, there is a picture of "Uncle Grueman" over the fireplace, two doors lead off into other rooms to the west and north, and the floor has lots of Grue Toys on it.  
  
Baby Grue #1 is here.  
  
Baby Grue #2 is here.  
  
SAVE  
  
Game again saved.  
  
PICK UP GRUE TOY  
  
You have been eaten by an indignant Grue.  
  
Quit/restore?  
  
SIGH. RESTORE.  
  
Game again restored.  
  
BABY-SIT GRUES  
  
Not enough detail.  
  
PLAY GAME WITH GRUES  
  
Which one?  
  
FETCH  
  
You tell the Grues how to play fetch. What do you want to throw?  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
5 Tiny carrots  
  
Dangerous Sheep  
  
Dangerous Gun  
  
Key to End of Game  
  
Rabbit fur coat  
  
Note  
  
No contents  
  
No hunger  
  
Knowledge of where End of Game is  
  
THROW SHEEP  
  
You throw the dangerous sheep through one of the doors. Baby Grue #1 runs after it and eats it.  
  
PLUG EARS  
  
The sheep explodes inside Baby Grue #1, who doesn't seem to notice.  
  
THROW GUN  
  
You throw the dangerous gun through the other door. Baby Grue #2 runs after it, picks it up, and shoots you. You have been shot by a Grue.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
Restored. You have just entered the Grue home. Incidentally, you might not want to play fetch with them.  
  
PLAY GAME WITH GRUES  
  
Which one?  
  
CATCH  
  
You tell the grues how to play catch. What do you want to throw?  
  
THROW NO CONTENTS  
  
You throw no contents. Baby Grue #2 catches no contents, and throws no contents to you.  
  
CATCH NO CONTENTS  
  
Caught.  
  
TAKE NO CONTENTS  
  
You stash no contents in your fur.  
  
THIS IS BORING  
  
You'd better do something exciting, then, if you're going to baby-sit the two Grues all the time the parents are gone.  
  
PLAY DIFFERENT GAME WITH GRUES  
  
Which one?  
  
SHARE.  
  
You teach the Grue babies how to share. What do you want to give them?  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved.  
  
SHARE DANGEROUS SHEEP  
  
You share the dangerous sheep with the Grue babies. It appears they don't like it, so they eat you.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
Of course..  
  
SHARE DANGEROUS GUN  
  
You share the dangerous gun with the Grue babies. It appears they don't like it, so they eat you.  
  
Quit/Restore?  
  
RESTORE  
  
I guessed.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
What, again?  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
5 Tiny carrots  
  
Dangerous Sheep  
  
Dangerous Gun  
  
Key to End of Game  
  
Note  
  
Rabbit fur coat  
  
No contents  
  
No hunger  
  
Knowledge of where End of Game is  
  
SHARE NO HUNGER  
  
You share no hunger with the Grue babies. They don't like it, but they can't eat you, being not hungry.  
  
Now it's the Grue babies' turn to share something. They give you no brain.  
  
TAKE NO BRAIN  
  
Ok, you don't take a brain.  
  
THANK GRUE BABIES  
  
They try to eat you, but they're not hungry.  
  
Suddenly, there is a knocking at the door.  
  
OPEN DOOR  
  
You walk over to the door, and open it. On the other side stands a Grue, though not one you know.  
  
GRUE, WHO ARE YOU, MAN?  
  
It glares at you. "I'm the baby-sitter. Who are You?"  
  
GRUE, I AM SPAZ.  
  
The Grue stares. "THE Spaz? The Spaz wanted to be eaten in 51 states?"  
  
GRUE, NO.  
  
"Oh." However, the Grue still looks rather hungry, and you begin to fear for your life.  
  
GIVE NO HUNGER TO GRUE  
  
You force no hunger down the Grue's throat. It is now incapable of eating you. Good job.  
  
GRUE, YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED.  
  
It walks away in a huff. You turn back to the Grue babies.  
  
It's your turn to share something.  
  
TELL THEM A STORY  
  
Which one?  
  
TOEJAM TALES  
  
Good choice!  
  
You sit down with the Grue babies, now safe as they have no hunger. You begin reciting the whole of Toejam Tales, which you apparently memorized without noticing.  
  
When you are done, they give you a red key.  
  
TAKE RED KEY  
  
You stash the red key in your fur somewhere.  
  
About then, the Grue Parents get back. The time really flew, didn't it?  
  
GRUE PARENTS, HI.  
  
They thank you and hand you 50 Carrotian Credits.  
  
TAKE 50 CARROTIAN CREDITS  
  
Taken. They look oddly at you when you manage to stash all 50 of them in your fur.  
  
THANK GRUE PARENTS  
  
You thank them and walk out the door.  
  
Having given away your no hunger, you're feeling rather peckish.  
  
I HAD NO IDEA HOW USEFUL NO HUNGER WAS.  
  
Well, now you do! 


	7. HAVE ADVENTURES

FIND SOMETHING TO DO  
  
It's all over the place.  
  
WHY?  
  
So you don't get bored.  
  
I'M BORED.  
  
You're also rather peckish.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are standing on top of Carrotus. There, for some reason, are lots of carrots nearby. There is also a coatrack nearby, complete with small house.  
  
WALK EAST  
  
Do you have an obsession with east? You walk east.  
  
WALK EAST  
  
You walk east.  
  
WALK NORTH  
  
You walk north.  
  
WALK WEST  
  
You walk west.  
  
WALK WEST  
  
You walk west.  
  
WALK SOUTH  
  
You walk south.  
  
You are standing on top of Carrotus. There, for some reason, are lots of carrots nearby. There is also a coatrack nearby, complete with small house.  
  
I WALK IN EQUAL AMOUNTS OF DISTANCE?  
  
Apparently.  
  
TAKE COATRACK  
  
It won't fit in your fur.  
  
WALK EAST FIVE TIMES  
  
You walk east.  
  
You walk east.  
  
You walk east.  
  
You walk east.  
  
You walk east.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are in the fabled area of Carrotus known as "A part of Carrotus that is fabled". It is said that whoever lives here is alive until they die.  
  
SIGH  
  
You sigh heavily. The weight of your sigh causes the ground to cave in beneath you, and you begin falling.  
  
SAVE  
  
Your game is saved. Next time you restore, unless you've saved between then and now, you'll get to be falling again.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
5 Tiny carrots  
  
Dangerous Sheep  
  
Dangerous Gun  
  
Key to End of Game  
  
Note  
  
Rabbit fur coat  
  
No contents  
  
No Coatrack  
  
Red Key  
  
50 Carrotian Credits  
  
Knowledge of where End of Game is  
  
MAKE PARACHUTE  
  
Out of what?  
  
CARROTS  
  
This sentence no verb.  
  
MAKE PARACHUTE OUT OF CARROTS  
  
You fail.  
  
You continue falling. You are beginning to feel sick.  
  
MAKE PARACHUTE OUT OF RABBIT FUR COAT  
  
You slip yourself out of the coat and hold it above you like a parachute. Miraculously, it works, and you fall slowly.  
  
FALL SLOWLY  
  
You continue to fall slowly.  
  
LOOK DOWN  
  
You look down. It is not a pretty sight.  
  
TELL ME WHAT IS DOWN THERE  
  
A pit of spikes.  
  
FIGURES  
  
Yes.  
  
FALL UNTIL DIRECTLY ABOVE SPIKES  
  
You drift downwards like a drifting leaf, until without warning, you find yourself directly above the spikes.  
  
ESCAPE MIRACULOUSLY  
  
Have I mentioned you're often rather vague about your commands?  
  
USE DANGEROUS GUN ON SPIKES  
  
You hurriedly retrieve the dangerous gun and fire it at the spikes. The spikes explode, and the trapped spirits of dead hedgehogs fly up into the air.  
  
GRAB DEAD SPIRIT  
  
You reach out your paw and grab a dead spirit of a hedgehog before it can fly away.  
  
DEAD SPIRIT, HOW CAN I FLY?  
  
"Just get yourself killed!"  
  
DEAD SPIRIT, HOW ELSE CAN I FLY?  
  
"Well, you could find an airboard.."  
  
DEAD SPIRIT, GIVE ME AN AIRBOARD  
  
"I don't have an airboard."  
  
LET GO OF DEAD SPIRIT  
  
It hurriedly flies away to join the other ones.  
  
THANK DEAD SPIRIT  
  
Oh, it's a little late now, isn't it?  
  
USE DANGEROUS SHEEP  
  
Use it how?  
  
LOOK DANGEROUS SHEEP  
  
I look at the dangerous sheep.  
  
MAKE ME LOOK AT THE DANGEROUS SHEEP  
  
Ok, ok.  
  
It looks like a sheep that isn't moving. A large red button is on one side, with text below it reading "Press this button to turn this sheep into an airboard."  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
PRESS BUTTON  
  
You press the red button, and the sheep turns into an airboard.  
  
FIND AIRBOARD  
  
You already did that.  
  
FIND INNER PEACE  
  
Oh, right.  
  
FIND PLOT  
  
Impossible task.  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
Taking a last look before you fly away into the wild blue yonder?  
  
You are in a small cave. The only apparent exit is a large hole in the ceiling, which goes up and up, and emits a faint light. There are some shards of deceased spikes laying around on the ground, and a secret doorway is in one wall but you didn't hear it from me.  
  
FIND DOORWAY  
  
What doorway?  
  
THE SECRET ONE.  
  
You look around and find a secret doorway. Funny. How did that get there?  
  
WHACK PARSER  
  
Ow.  
  
GO SECRET DOORWAY  
  
It thanks you modestly.  
  
GO THROUGH SECRET DOORWAY  
  
There's a secret door in it.  
  
OPEN SECRET DOOR  
  
It's locked.  
  
USE RED KEY ON SECRET DOOR  
  
This isn't one of those games where you find the gem that powers a time machine five planets away. Things have to be semi-believable.  
  
That said, the red key does not open the secret doorway.  
  
EAT SECRET DOOR  
  
Your teeth make short work of the secret doorway, which was composed of a few tons of granite.  
  
BE CONSISTENT  
  
You think of Amy.  
  
GO THROUGH SECRET DOORWAY  
  
You walk through the secret doorway. You find yourself in a tiny, mostly empty cell with a rabbit and a sign in it.  
  
CelL is here.  
  
READ SIGN  
  
It reads "Welcome to CelL's cell".  
  
CELL, I AM SPAZ  
  
"Hello Spaz!" Have you come to free me from this cell?"  
  
CELL, YOU ARE CELL.  
  
CelL looks confused. The cell doesn't do anything.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
CelL jumps backwards. "Uhhhh.. you know, maybe you shouldn't rescue me at all. I'm perfectly safe here."  
  
CELL, WHERE IS END OF GAME?  
  
"Just defeat the Lagunicus boss."  
  
DEFEAT LAGUNICUS BOSS  
  
It's not that easy.  
  
THANK CELL  
  
You thank CelL and leave CelL's cell.  
  
WEAR AIRBOARD  
  
You attach the airboard to your head as a sort of hat.  
  
GET ON AIRBOARD  
  
You find yourself unable to stand on something that is on your head.  
  
TAKE OFF AIRBOARD, GET ON AIRBOARD  
  
You stand on the airboard. Automatically, little things hold your feet in place so you don't fall off, and it begins hovering off of the ground a bit, as if eager to depart.  
  
FLY THROUGH HOLE IN CEILING  
  
You fly up out of the hole. After a while of flying, you come out at the top.  
  
LAND SOMEWHERE SAFE, GET OFF OF AIRBOARD.  
  
You do as you instructed.  
  
TAKE AIRBOARD  
  
You store the airboard in your fur. It beeps.  
  
BEEP  
  
(/)(-)()  
  
LOOK AROUND  
  
You are standing in an ordinary part of Carrotus, which is apparently a safe place to land. A well traveled road goes off into south-southeast.  
  
WALK SOUTH-SOUTHEAST  
  
You walk along the road until something interesting happens, as you'd say that anyway. Soon, you come to a small village, with rabbits walking around, probably returning from work.  
  
Your stomach rumbles rudely.  
  
FIND FOOD  
  
You walk through the village until you come to a medium-sized restaurant called Joes.  
  
EAT AT JOES  
  
Please wait to be seated. Oh, and you might want to go in first.  
  
GO IN JOES  
  
You walk into Joes. Soon, a rabbit wearing a tuxedo, which is really an interesting sight in itself, leads you to a small table for one, complete with complimentary menu.  
  
READ MENU  
  
Green Salad: 30 CC  
  
Greener Salad: 37 CC  
  
Chicken: 27 CC  
  
Vegetarian Chicken with Salad: 50 CC  
  
Carrot Stew: 18 CC  
  
Jugged Hare: 1 CC  
  
Carrot Cake: 6 CC  
  
Water: 1 CC  
  
Beer: 23 CC  
  
Carrot Juice: 10 CC  
  
BUY VEGETARIAN  
  
Soon, a salad arrives, complete with what is obviously supposed to be a vegetarian chicken. It resembles a yellow brick.  
  
Your stomach rumbles ominously.  
  
EAT SALAD  
  
You ravenously gobble up the salad.  
  
EAT BRICK  
  
You try to force down the vegetarian chicken, but you are morally opposed to the whole idea and don't manage it.  
  
The waiter comes by with the bill for 50 Carrotian Credits.  
  
USE 50 CARROTIAN CREDITS ON BILL  
  
The waiter glares at you for the lack of tip and walks away, sullenly. He accidentally knocks a flower pot onto your head.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
5 Tiny carrots  
  
Airboard  
  
Dangerous Gun  
  
Key to End of Game  
  
Note  
  
Rabbit fur parachute  
  
No contents  
  
No Coatrack  
  
Red Key  
  
Knowledge of where End of Game is  
  
GIVE NOTE TO WAITER  
  
He reads the note and hurries over to the telephone. He evidently thinks you are an escaped convict.  
  
LOOK AT ME  
  
You are Spaz.  
  
You are a red rabbit with no clothes on other then a pair of boots you evidently slept with.  
  
LEAVE RESTAURANT  
  
You leave the restaurant, cheerfully nodding to all onlookers, who quickly return to their food.  
  
GO HOME  
  
You rush through the fields and stuff of Carrotus, guided by nothing but your internal guidance system, until you careen to a stop that puts the brakes they sell in cars nowadays to shame.  
  
You are in the hallway.  
  
SCREAM  
  
WHOOPEE!!  
  
CHECK WATCH  
  
You don't have a watch.  
  
HAVE WATCH  
  
Thank you. I'll treasure it always.  
  
FIND AMY'S DOOR  
  
Amazingly, it is attached to the doorway leading into Amy's room.  
  
WHY?  
  
It got repaired since the last time it was broken.  
  
OPEN DOOR  
  
It is unlocked. Still, you consider being polite.  
  
KNOCK ON DOOR  
  
Politely or loudly?  
  
KNOCK ON DOOR POLITELY  
  
After a few seconds, a voice says "Come in."  
  
COME IN  
  
Your grammar needs work, but I know what you mean.  
  
You enter Amy's room, which looks different from the last few times you've been in it. A largish desk appears to have folded out of the wall, strewn neatly with papers, and Amy is sitting in front of it.  
  
AMY, HELLO  
  
She looks around and smiles. "Oh, good. You've been acting.. well.. more strangely then usual the last few days, but at least you didn't forget this."  
  
SEARCH MEMORY  
  
You don't find anything.  
  
AMY, I LOST MY MEMORY  
  
She misunderstands you. "Amnesia?"  
  
TAKE AMNESIA  
  
There isn't any amnesia.  
  
AMY, NO.  
  
"So what did you mean?"  
  
AMY, I AM SPAZ.  
  
Did you have to say that?  
  
Amy sighs and leans forward. "And there you go saying that again. Spaz, I've known you for a while now, and I can tell something's wrong with you. You've been acting strangely ever since you were found unconscious in the hallway, and I want to know why. Everything about it."  
  
GULP  
  
You gulp audibly.  
  
SAVE  
  
Good thinking. Your game is saved. Amy sits there, waiting for you to formulate an answer. 


	8. FIND EXIT

AMY, I AM NOT SPAZ.  
  
She takes this news fairly well, but says "you mean, all this time you've been saying you are it's been untrue?"  
  
AMY, IT'S A LONG STORY.  
  
"Start at the beginning."  
  
AMY, I AM PLAYING A COMPUTER GAME IN WHICH I CONTROL SPAZ USING A TEXT PROMPT. I HAVE BEEN GOING AROUND ACTING MOSTLY LIKE SPAZ DUE TO THE PROGRAMMING OF THE GAME, HAVING VARIOUS ADVENTURES ON CARROTUS.  
  
Amy stares at you for a while. Then "Oh, come on. You can't expect me to believe that."  
  
AMY, IT'S TRUE.  
  
"As true as 'I am Spaz'? Prove it somehow."  
  
PROVE IT SOMEHOW  
  
I think you're on your own with this one.  
  
AMY, HOW SHOULD I PROVE IT?  
  
"Oh, I don't know. Those games have save and load functions, right?"  
  
YES  
  
Yes, what?  
  
AMY, YES.  
  
"Well, save the game. I'll say something, then you load it, write what I said down, and I'll say something. If I say what's on the paper, I'll believe you."  
  
WHAT IF SHE SAYS SOMETHING DIFFERENT IF SHE SEES ME WRITING?  
  
Then you're in trouble.  
  
IT'S JUST A GAME, RIGHT?  
  
Of course!  
  
SAVE  
  
Your game is saved.  
  
AMY, SAY SOMETHING.  
  
"Do you like Hyperbolia?"  
  
RESTORE  
  
Your game is restored.  
  
INVENTORY  
  
You are carrying the following items:  
  
5 Tiny carrots  
  
Airboard  
  
Dangerous Gun  
  
Key to End of Game  
  
Note  
  
Rabbit fur parachute  
  
No contents  
  
No Coatrack  
  
Red Key  
  
Knowledge of where End of Game is  
  
WRITE "DO YOU LIKE HYPERBOLIA?" ON BACK OF NOTE  
  
You do as you instructed.  
  
AMY, SAY SOMETHING.  
  
"Do you like Hyperbolia?"  
  
Yes, I agree, that was convenient.  
  
THANK FROGS  
  
They screw up their faces in huge smiles.  
  
GIVE AMY NOTE  
  
"A list of phone numbers?"  
  
AMY, READ OTHER SIDE.  
  
She turns the note over and stares for a long while.  
  
"Oh. My. God."  
  
BE GOD  
  
Be serious.  
  
WAIT  
  
Amy suddenly speaks. "I'm.. not.. real?"  
  
AMY, I'M AFRAID NOT.  
  
"But.. I must be real! I've lived before now.. I can remember things happening...."  
  
AMY, CAN YOU FOCUS ON THE MEMORIES?  
  
She concentrates. "Yes.. they're not implanted in me or anything.."  
  
HOLD ON..  
  
You hold onto your consciousness, despite not being in any danger of losing it.  
  
I'VE PLAYED TEXT GAMES BEFORE.. THEY DIDN'T HAVE NEARLY THIS MANY THINGS YOU COULD DO..  
  
Have I mentioned that people who write their thoughts in text prompts are weird?  
  
YOU BE QUIET.  
  
Look, if I were quiet, you wouldn't be able to do anything!  
  
MY POINT IS, HOW COULD THEY POSSIBLY HAVE PUT IN SO MANY OPTIONS FOR SO MANY SITUATIONS?  
  
Why ask me? I'm just part of a game.  
  
AMY?  
  
What about her?  
  
AMY, AMY?  
  
She looks at you. "What is it?"  
  
AMY, YOU DO SEEM REAL.. SO DOES EVERYONE. I DON'T KNOW HOW A GAME COULD HAVE SUCH A VARIETY OF COMMANDS SO AS I CAN TYPE IN ABOUT ANYTHING AND IT WILL HAVE ITS OWN EFFECT.  
  
She looks at you hopefully. "So I might be real, somehow?" She apparently is quite appreciative of this idea, for obvious reasons.  
  
AMY, MAYBE. I'M GOING TO ASK THE AUTHORS OF THIS GAME ABOUT THIS.  
  
You know, you're a very suspicious person. Do you believe in conspiracies?  
  
Anyway, Amy nods.  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved.  
  
EXIT  
  
Bye bye! Remember that your doctor is really an alien in disguise!  
  
RESTORE  
  
Game restored.  
  
AMY, I'VE SENT AN EMAIL TO THEM.  
  
"Email?"  
  
AMY, IN THE RE - IN MY WORLD, EMAIL IS A METHOD OF COMMUNICATION.  
  
"Oh."  
  
WAIT  
  
If you plan to type WAIT until you get a response to your email...  
  
AMY, I'M GOING TO GO FOR A WALK UNTIL I GET A RESPONSE.  
  
"All right, have a nice time.." she seems a little sad, but wouldn't you be?  
  
GO OUTSIDE  
  
You begin to exit the room, but she stops you.  
  
"Wait a minute.. on Carrotus?"  
  
AMY, YES.  
  
"But... if I, and the other rabbits, ARE real.. every time you load your game, you're erasing parts of our lives!"  
  
AMY, THEY'LL JUST DO THE SAME THINGS THEY DID ALL OVER AGAIN, WITH NO MEMORY OF DOING IT BEFORE. LIKE YOU AND THE HYPERBOLIA.  
  
"But it's unfair to just erase pieces of lives, even if they'll do it again! How would you like parts of YOUR life to be destroyed?"  
  
SHE HAS A POINT.  
  
No, she doesn't. Go out and get yourself killed a few times.  
  
AMY, ALL RIGHT.  
  
You say that, then continue standing there. Go have fun! Better then typing WAIT over and over.  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved.. come on, go outside!  
  
I'M PLANNING TO.  
  
Oh, good.  
  
EXIT  
  
Game exited.. but I want an adventure or two when you come back!  
  
RESTORE  
  
Game restored. You are standing in Devan's lab, and Devan is conveniently there too.  
  
DEVAN, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.  
  
"Jazz is nosing around my lab again?"  
  
DEVAN, NO. RELATED TO THE GAME-UNIVERSE THING.  
  
"Oh, right. I've tended to forget about that since you re-installed real-time for the Devan universe."  
  
DEVAN, ONE OF THE PLAYERS OF THE GAME HAS GOTTEN SUSPICIOUS.  
  
"He knows that the game he owns is actually a copy of another universe?"  
  
DEVAN, HE SUSPECTS AS MUCH.  
  
"How did he find out? When I copied my entire universe and turned it into a game for you to publish, I made it completely game like, right up to the annoying Parser."  
  
DEVAN, APPARENTLY, YOU MADE THE PARSER TOO CLEVER. HE ACCEPTS TOO MANY COMMANDS THAT OTHER GAMES WOULDN'T.  
  
Devan glowers. "Well, he's just another human.. you can easily take care of him."  
  
DEVAN, IT WOULD BE KIND OF SUSPICIOUS TO FIND HIM DEAD IF HE JUST OPENED A PACKAGE FROM MY COMPANY.  
  
Devan thinks about this for a while, then nods. "I've got it. I just need to create one more machine.."  
  
Devan gets out his tools, calls a few lizard assistants, and begins work.  
  
WAIT UNTIL MACHINE IS FINISHED  
  
You stand there for some time, munching on food the lizards bring you from time to time. After a while, the machine is done.  
  
THANK DEVAN  
  
You thank the turtle.  
  
"Don't bother. After all that work removing the very existence of a real Spaz, right under Jazz's nose in countless universes, I'm not going to have that work undone in any way by a mere human.  
  
"Now, once you have the code for the machine, replace the startup screen with a message telling the player to press enter. Have enter start the machine's code."  
  
DEVAN, IS THAT ALL?  
  
"Yes.. no. You might want to make pressing enter a one time thing, because otherwise it can happen to other people who come across his computer. Now go away."  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved.  
  
EXIT  
  
Game exited.  
  
RESTORE  
  
Game restored. You have just reassured Amy you won't erase lives.  
  
AMY, I'M BACK.  
  
She looks at you oddly for a moment before deciding the time runs differently in your universe.  
  
AMY, THEY SENT ME A PATCH FOR THE GAME WHICH WILL "FIX THE PROBLEM I MENTIONED".  
  
"Make us not real at all?"  
  
AMY, I'M NOT SURE.  
  
She looks concerned. "So you have no way of knowing what this patch will do?"  
  
AMY, NO. FOR ALL I KNOW IT'S A TROJAN.  
  
"Trojan?" Amy asks, which is understandable. There's no Trojan Horse in the past of Carrotus, after all.  
  
AMY, SOMETHING THAT WILL MESS UP MY COMPUTER.  
  
She understands, but says nothing.  
  
AMY, I HAVE AN IDEA.  
  
About time you did. You haven't typed anything for around eight minutes.  
  
Amy looks hopeful.  
  
AMY, I'LL BACKUP ALL MY FILES, MAKE A COPY OF THE GAME, AND INSTALL THE PATCH ON THAT ONE.  
  
She looks thoughtful. "And no lives erased?"  
  
AMY, IF THE PATCH IS A TROJAN, I CAN REPLACE THE FILES, AND THE GAME WON'T HAVE BEEN RUN. IF IT MAKES YOU ALL UNREAL, YOU WON'T REALLY HAVE LIVES TO ERASE. AND IF IT IMPROVES MATTERS, IT'LL BE A COPY OF THE GAME, SO YOU'LL ALL BE THE SAME PEOPLE.  
  
She thinks this over for a while, but finally gives you permission to do this. Yes, I know that sounds funny.  
  
SAVE  
  
Game saved.  
  
EXIT  
  
Game exited.  
  
The changes were instantly apparently. The menu screen of the game was gone, and all that was there now was a red message atop the black screen, reading "Please press the enter key to initiate changes."  
  
He pressed the enter key. And then he felt a very odd feeling, as his monitor opened up, and sucked him inside it, before closing contentedly.  
  
The Player looked around him in amazement. He was in a castle.. the main features of the room were a bed, a desk, a red rabbit standing motionless near the door, and a fuschia rabbit sitting in front of the desk..  
  
"Amy?" breathed The Player.  
  
The fuschia rabbit looked away from the red one, surprised. "Who are you? How did you get in here?"  
  
"I'm The Player.... I've been controlling Spaz.. and now it seems I'm in your world instead of him."  
  
Then a deep booming voice startled them both. "Indeed you are, Player."  
  
"And who are YOU?" asked Amy, trying to stay calm. In the past hour or so, she had learned Spaz was being controlled by someone from another universe, and her entire life might be just one part of a program. The controller had just now apparently appeared in the universe She lived in, and after all that, some voice was not her top concern.  
  
"Me?" asked the voice. "I'm the Recorder.. I record everything that happens, and I know all. Your human friend there knows me as the Parser."  
  
The Player sat there, stunned. "It's..... all real?"  
  
"Oh, it's real, all right." said the Recorder, laughing. "This - everything around you - the whole universe around you - isn't just some game created by a game company back in your universe, Player boy. Nope! You've heard of Devan, I trust?"  
  
"Of course.." said The Player, looking around. Amy just nodded.  
  
"Well, he and this other guy from Your universe got together - due to a wormhole in the space-time continuum which plopped the other guy in This universe -, and together they created a program to turn the entire universe into a game, with Spaz as the main character. Spaz is crazy and random enough normally, he was the best candidate for it, not to mention it would be a real cool revenge on Jazz, completely destroying his little brother's soul. This universe is merely a copy of the original, the only other version of this universe to have real-time. Devan and the other guy were nice enough to let you be able to live, considering nobody will ever be able to control that particular Spaz again."  
  
With that, the Recorder was gone. Considering he was unsolid, they weren't sure how they knew he was gone, but they could tell.  
  
"What..... now?" asked Amy, quivering. It was quite evident to The Player that one more thing might well push her over the edge.  
  
"There's only one thing I can think of, other then just forget about this all and live normally.." said The Player, hesitantly. "And that's finally find that end of game...."  
  
iLegend tells of a rabbit and a human who explore the universe, searching for what they refer to as the "end of game". Many times they found hints as to where it might be, and just as many they could not find it there. They first traveled to Turtle Town, to find a small door only visible in the night time, but it just led to an old, deserted manor which, despite their careful searching, held no end to their quest.  
  
Next, we are told, they traveled to Lagunicus, where they defeated a submarine type thing. Skeptics, ones who don't believe the legends, hold this as one of the major points bringing it down - everyone knows Jazz defeated that thing some time ago!  
  
After this, historians and tall-tale-tellers lose track of the exact order of their adventures, but they have been known to ski down a large snowy hill towards a secret hidden base, to explore countless worlds searching for "Chaos Emeralds", to rescue anyone in need of rescuing (particularly princesses), and many other adventures.  
  
In times of trouble, when they were between leads or at a loss of what to do, they were known to call out for the "Parser" to help them, but there was never any response. Musicians have decided they probably actually said "Purser", and have written ballads of the two coming from "the train ride from Dam Nation", many of which still are popular tunes today.  
  
Are they alive or dead? Did they ever exist? Will they ever find the "end of game"? Time may tell.. but I won't. Better to leave Some mystery in the world./i  
  
(From bCollected Recordings of the Recorder/b, volume 7) 


End file.
